GREETINGS

Hi Swami,I lost my parents when i was a kid and my grandparents bought me up. My grandpa was a devotee of Lord Ayyappa and he is next to God to me. But during my school days i caused him lot of tension and problems and later when i was in college i realised my mistake and apologised profusely for all that i had done. Since then my only dream was to treat him like a king and not allow him to work anymore once i have a job of myself. Finally after i graduated from college, i found a job but God did not let me accomplish my dream. My Grandpa passed away 2 months after i got the job. Now this haunts me a lot. I have a brother and a grandma to look after. I have no home of my own and after struggling for 3 years with 2 different jobs that didnt pay much, i decided to do something very risky. I took out a loan and borrowed money from so many people and have now come to Germany to do my Masters in Engineering with a hope that i would be able to provide a decent living form my grandma and brother and of possible build a house. God has been with me every step of my life and he still is letting me know his presence through kind people here. But the loss of my grandpa is in the back of my mind and this haunts me. The realisation that i wasnt able to do anything for him makes me feel guilty on top of the fact that i hurt him so much with my troubles in school. Can you please advise me how i should look at my life as even its in trouble as if i fail in this pursuit, i wont be able to go back home or pay the debt. I could even end up here after an year begging on the streets or worse if i dont find a part time job, which is proving really difficult due to my poor german language skills.