GREETINGS

i dont why i always feel depressed because of some or the other reason and never feel happy.I am really bad at expressing myself .I always act like a fool though i am intelligent(i mean smart only in studies but i think i suck in real life).I make a lot of mistakes in making friends,i be too nice to people and let them walk all over me and i have very poor self esteem.I sometimes doubt that i am addicted to my depression and i like feeling depressed though i dont understand why ,maybe because i am lazy or maybe because i like the attention .I dont why i am self abusing myself,please help.Though i have low self eteem , i talk back to people rudely sometimes as a self defence mechanism though i genuinely dont mean to be rude and these poeple think i am too proud.I have no discipline in life and i dont know where my life is going.There are people who truly care for me but i focus on the negative and jealous people and people who dont care for me and waste my time,energy and emotions trying to win their friendship and trying to please them.I always want everyone to like me and i think a lot and over analyse what people say or do so much so that i am not able to sleep well and am falling sick very frequently.I have lost trust in people .I am an extremely honest and straight forward person but i fear to continue to be so.I had been to some kind of a satsang and i could easily make out that the brahmachary who was giving discourse was immensely physically attracted to women including towards me i felt weird and innocently told this to the organisers and i think i got in a mess and they had the reply that all this happens in kali yuga and i dont understand how that can be an answer to every wrong thing.Please help because i feel like i am losing myself and losing control over my life.