GREETINGS

I feel very disconnected from my relatives most of the times.They say that i am very silent and uncaring but their selfish behaviour,stupid labeling without understanding, envy and negative attitude has build such a wall between me and them that i honestly dont care at all for them.I hate most of my aunts,uncles and cousins to be very frank though sometimes i pretend to be nice because they have done nothing for me and only hurt me and my family yet they keep on interfering all the time in every aspect of my life.I am 23 and have a job but still they dont give me my space and have to interfere in my almost every aspect of my life and they claim to have helped a lot when they have actually done nothing much that i know of.They love to control and show off and get their feeling of importance that way and dont realise that they are hurting others in this process.If i take my space or express my opinion they call me an ahankari.But my main problem is that Swamiji,they have created a deep fear and disconnection inside me in general towards people especially the older people and i cant trust the people i see but i am hanging onto life because i have faith that there are some good people and my faith in God and listening to prabhasanams .I have found that some people have worse problems of their own and my experience of sharing with them sometimes worsens my own problem.i get attracted towards people who are like me who are disconnected a bit from this world and a bit depressed ,i know its not good for me but it happens naturally.I get a lot of improvement when i practice meditation and listen to prabhashanams regularly and practically use what you talk in your programmes.But sometimes some people make me forget myself and lose my calm and peace and my mind feels totally disturbed and restless even i feel like giving up my life.I tell myself that these are tests of God to develop strength and character but that again doesnt help for a long time.My mother tells me to forgive even those who hurt me but i am not a saint so how do i do it,it only leads to suppression of my feelings and more mental stress.I want to find the determination and discipline to practice sadhana regularly but i am not able to do it because i am a victim of my moods which keeps changing really fast.Please help me on this.Thanks a lot once again for your help