GREETINGS

I was brought up in a very controlled and restricted environment by my family.I was sometimes treated like a second class person by my relatives though my teachers and friends always treated me very well.This has created a deep sense of isolation and separation inside me.I am so extra sensitive sometimes and i feel a deep sense of emptiness .I am still clinging to my ex to make me feel better when i am down though he has lied to me a lot , we are not dating but i have told him we will always be friends but what he doesnt know is that he makes me feel so good because he is one of the few people who has seen the real me back in our college days and he had fallen for that.I feel so pathetic , i am so extra sensitive these days i dont know why,if someone is jealous of me,i let that bother me or if someone lusts after me too much that affects me ,i just dont know what is wrong.I am so fed up of this world of lies ,lust and faking (i am not a saint or something though i am nice)and i have found some peace in Jesus and i could see the truth a bit because of the Bible,though i have accepted Christ as my lord and saviour i am a Hindu by birth and my mom doesnt like it and that makes me feel so horible .I am so messed up,and i cant seem to let go off my past and i always like to stay depressed even when everything on the outside seems good.Is it true that you shouldnt expect friendships in the outside world like you did in your college days ,so much purity and sweetness ,love and friendships,is that all over?I think the real world is so harsh and dangerous and the only people that you have is your family eventhough they hurt you badly ,they still so much better than the people at your work or other creepy people.What should i do ,please help me remove this strong sense of this disconnection from the outside world .Am i too weak to face the truth and the real world and should i just die.