GREETINGS

My family always taught me to be passive but i am pretty aggressive by my real nature and want to badly do the things that i like to do or study what i like or else i dont feel the inner satisfaction.I have my boundaries and i know what is right or wrong and my family has taught me good values and its so deeply embedded in me that i just cant cross my boundaries without feeling really guilty.I love my family and have nothing against them.But sometimes i get so frustrated and lost because i never really get to do the things that i really want to do.They have conditioned me to be passive and servile and that its not good for girls to be aggressive,so a lot of people take advantage of my servile nature.I never get to do what i want to do,they made me study what they felt was best for me,they told me to go for the job that they felt was best for me i am ok with that but not satisfied,they want me to get married to the person they will choose for me,i feel so lost and like i have no purpose in my life(i am 22 yrs),other than eat ,sleep,go to work ,feel depressed and then cry in self-pity.I have tried speaking up for myself but then i get scared like maybe i am doing something wrong ,maybe they are right .I feel lost and like i have lost my self-confidence.I am a silent person and dont like to talk much but my relatives think that a smart person should be very talkative and so they force me to talk more.My family has conditioned me to be very sensitive and submissive and expects me to be strong and bold at work I dont know how spirituality is going to help me,everywhere i see people are just using and manipulating spirituality for their own selfish needs,i have an aunty of mine who goes to every satsang and talks about it a lot and advices people but in real life she acts just the opposite and is very selfish and very materialistic,is it wrong that spirituality is just a mask many people put to achieve power,fame,wealth or whatever they want.There are honest ones too but very rare,everywhere these days you find lies,faking etc.I feel like there is no one in this world we can fully trust.Please help.What is really spirituality does it involve being too passive or just too nice or does it teach us to be assertive,does it really help in discovering oneself,can spirituality help you be a strong person.how can one do sadhana when the mind feels lost and restless.