GREETINGS

Namaste Swamy, My name is jaya.B from maharashtra. I am married and having a 13 year old daughter .Now I will come to the point. About 14 years ago, during my pregnency time suddenly one day some bad thoughts started coming to my mind about my relatives, love ones and even about my daughtger who was born that time. The bad thoughts are about illness death etc. Actually I love them so much more than me. Then I thought why these negative things are coming in my mind. Then I feel guilty about this. The next very moment I lost my mind control and peace. And gradually I started praying that they should die after a few years(9 years, 10, 0r 15 like that). In fact these prayer is not purposely, but it came in my mind one by one about my each and every relatives. Next moment I pray good things for them. Actually I don’t want to lose them. Some times I offer some thing such as “nilavilakku” and “Yanjam” to Temple for their death.Gradually my mind was filled with fear that, All of them will die in future just because of my thoughts about them. But After some years I told this problem yo my relatives and they said no need to worry and I got relief. But again since three months I have the same problem of having fear, guiltinees, worry, worthlessness, hopeless, uncertainity, and anxiety about future of my lovedones. Again and again I am repeating that I love them 1000 and 1000 times more than me. And I am sure that I am the only one person in my family to love my relatives very much.But I feel myself as a bad person. I fear that God will give them bad things because of my thought. Forgive me if my question sound stupid. Swamy please give me a detailed reply.