GREETINGS

I am a very sensitive person but sometimes I feel a distance from people .My family is quite conservative.I am 23 and they have told me to do arranged marriage which I agreed to.I had met a very interesting nice guy at work,we have worked together and got to know each other over time and have got emotionally close and he is also emotionally attached to me,but I left him and broke all contacts with him because i hate crossing the boundaries that my mother set for me.So I dint stop liking him nice but still I broke all contacts with him when he asked me to cross the line.My mother made me meet up and talk to about 4 guys who had come to my house and none of them seemed to be someone with whom I could live the rest of my life for some reason or the other,if i am intersted and the guy is nice the horoscope doesn’t match and I don’t unerstand this horoscope matching and don’t believe in it but I don’t know why its given so much importance.If everything matches ,then there is some other problem or the guy is not good or his parents or he himself has a very high ego. I am so confused.I would never want to disobey or break the heart of my family but I still would like to mary rsomeone whom my heart desires and with whom I can feel like this is someone with whom I can live the rest of my life.I am extremely frightened to fall in love with someone my family doesn’t approve of as ,I feel like I cant trust them fully however much deeply they like me.And I don’t understand how to judge a person in such a short time in arranged marriage,I have judged and I have been wrong.I have trusted and I have got my trust broken.They seem to care much more for the extremely external things like my relatives or the wealth that my family or my physical beauty etc and they don’t seem to care for me unlike the guy at work who is also attracted to such things but seems to care more for and deeply like the actual person in me.I feel so lost sometimes and I don’t know what to do.I know this not a really spiritual question but if you would help me or guide me ina spiritual way, I would be extremely grateful and thankful.